Yesterday I found out that I had not got another job I had been interviewed for. Although there was disappointment, I’ve discovered through the teachings of Claire Dimond that disappointment can be a good thing. Read on to find out why.
As I read the email, all manner of emotions arose. Frustration, anger, disgust, shame, sadness and superiority to name but a few that come to mind as I look back.
There were thoughts of both not being good enough and thoughts of how dare they; how dare they not see how good I am and how perfect for the job I was!
Which is curious isn’t it? Because it points to the insanity and unreliability of the mind and thought. How can a person be both too good and not good enough?
The flip-flop between the two; between two completely different narratives is the clue to what is really going on.
What is really going on here?
What is really going on is that we are not our thinking; that thought arises within the body, is felt, then acted upon.
It’s a beautifully designed system but not who we really are.
How can it be when thought changes so often and when we know that there is something that never changes within us; that there is a part of us that is constant, that we know to be us when we remember back to our childhood or when we imagine ourselves in two weeks time?
I like to call that part of us ‘aliveness’ or ‘life’.
Which brings me back to when disappointment can be a good thing.
Disappointment, or indeed any emotion or reaction we have to the apparent world, gives us a clue to what conditioning we have acquired. It is that conditioning which determines how we respond.
Let’s take a really silly example, like queuing.
Here in the UK we have mostly been conditioned to believe that queuing is polite. If someone jumps a queue most people will get cross, perhaps just with inward irritation, some may express that verbally. Either way, the reaction points to the belief that ‘people should wait their turn’ (or words to that effect).
The great thing about the reaction is it always gives clues to the underlying beliefs that up until that point have been invisibly running the show.
Once seen they can be realised for what they are; simply information that has been soaked up by a system designed to learn.
They do not give information on who we are; rather they give information on who we are not. They tell us what the mind, or ego, has to say about something (which has been entirely learnt and will never be exactly the same in any number of individuals).
This is why we all have a completely different way to view the world. 7 billion humans living in 7 billion different worlds – all created through this incredible system of a mind collecting information then acting accordingly.
So how is disappointment good?
Well for the ego, the separate self (for who we think we are), it isn’t good at all. Consequently, it feels awful.
Over the last 18 hours or so I’ve felt every emotion in the body and I can categorically tell you It doesn’t feel good! Of course, you’ll know that for yourself.
But as Claire Dimond would say; great. Bring on the rejection, bring on the disappointment because it’s an opportunity to uncover more of the ideas and stories that have been playing out and directing the behaviour of the human.
So once again, as I did last week with the self-doubt, I’m sitting with it all. Noticing the discomfort; the very real desire to run away from it all and the mind creating stories about what I *should* do next. I’m also noticing the impact of that on the physical body.
And oh. my. gosh, it is hard. But to fight with reality is a recipe for more discomfort, more distress, more disconnection.
For me, I’ll sit here and watch it all.
Will you join me next time you experience something difficult?
If you’d like support with that why not book a free 30 minute exploratory call where we can get to know one another and see if I can help you?
No new hoodie design for this blog. It feels like the one I created last week says it all very well…
‘All Feelings Are Valid’ Unisex Inspirational Hoodie (Organic, Fairtrade)
This hoodie design was inspired by a day of darkness when the feelings of self-doubt threatened to overwhelm me.
Rather than run from the feelings I decided to really feel them.
Understanding that all feelings are valid; that none need to be judged as ‘better’ or ‘worse’ leads to healing and freedom.
Read freedom by feeling it all; the blog that inspired this hoodie for a deeper understanding of why all feelings are valid.