What are our ways of avoiding disappointment? Could these also prevent you from having fulfilment, joy and excitement?
Yesterday I had the pleasure of re-connecting with a fellow coach.
During the conversation I saw clearly how, for as long as I can remember, I have avoided disappointment of myself by never ‘expecting anything of myself’ or ‘stretching’ myself.
Oooofff. This looks crazy now.
That’s one incredibly effective way not to live life fully!
It’s one brilliant strategy for never being disappointed but the flip side that I can clearly see is that it never allows for excitement, anticipation, enthusiasm, joy or celebration.
It sets me up as being a victim of life, not a creator. It sets up no possibility for miracles and magic. There is no fun, no ability to play.
Avoiding disappointment through non expectation
I’ve created from this place of non-expectation and thus remained ‘small’ and ‘safe’. And what I’ve seen reflected back at me is evidence to feed the story that ‘one shouldn’t expect anything of oneself’.
As an example, in the past when I’ve set goals, they’ve never been reached. Why? Because I’ve come from the invisible space of not expecting anything of myself. Not of creating them as possible…but from ‘don’t expect to reach them’ (aka – ‘you’re not good enough to reach them!’)
And thus, unconsciously my actions have flowed from there.
What would happen if I started to expect myself to ‘perform’? (aka I trusted that I was ‘good enough’?)
What would happen if I were open to disappointment, or ‘failure’?
I am entering this with curiosity.
Who you are Being defines what you are doing…
I know one thing is true here. Who you are being, defines what you are doing which in turn defines what you are having/experiencing.
For as long as I can remember I have been being fearful of being disappointed with myself. In turn I have avoiding doing anything where I might feel disappointed and thus I have had a restricted existence, not allowing in the possibility of satisfaction, contentment, joy, fulfilment and happiness.
It reminds me of Yin and Yang. Light and dark. Sadness and joy. In order to know one, you must be open to experiencing the other.
And so the invitation is set.
Where can I put myself in the position to feel disappointed? Where can I welcome disappointment and ‘failure’?
Where can I expect things of myself and of my abilities?
This is the beautiful thing about deep conversations. They help you see those things that are just out of sight; those things that lurk in the recesses of the mind, dictating all behaviour and actions.
If you’d like to experience the power of a deep conversation please get in touch. I love nothing more than spending time with people helping them see what has been ‘unseeable’.