Is work inherently stressful? Are holidays relaxing and restful? Are weddings always joyful and funerals always sad?
Have there been times in your life when you’ve felt something that ‘shouldn’t’ be felt in a situation? Perhaps you’ve felt sad at a wedding or anxious on holiday?
In this blog post I’m going to explore what might be going on. Experience is not what it seems…
Two weeks ago I was staying in what could have been considered a ‘dream resort’ in Mauritius. Beautiful white sand beach, palm trees, top notch service, wonderful food, beautiful sunsets…and yet there were moments when, rather than feeling relaxed and happy, I felt anxious and frustrated.
Had I not understood where experience comes from, I may well have gone into a shame or guilt spiral. I may have spent a lot of time trying to change how I was feeling.
Instead, the feelings were had without resistance.
So what going on when things are felt that are not expected?
The role of thought
Here’s what I’d like you to consider…
Without thoughts would work be stressful? Or would work simply be whatever is happening in that moment?
Without that constant narration in your head, would there be peace?
Now if you see that without thought there would be peace, please don’t take this to mean that you have to start working harder to change your thoughts. Please. Take it from me, attempting to change thoughts will be a lifelong job and you’ll never, ever get to experience peace.
Why?
Because thoughts do not contain the instructions for life. When has your thinking been reliable recently? When has it actually been helpful? Or is it simply a stream of conditioning; things you’ve been told are true that you’ve never actually challenged?
What are you aware of?
What I’m pointing to here is that thoughts are simply something you are aware of. Along with sights, sounds, smells, tastes and feelings.
You do not ever have to listen to them or take them seriously. They can simply be known.
When you feel relaxed on a holiday it is not because the holiday itself is relaxing and making you relaxed. It is simply that in that moment there is an experience of the peace that you are before thought.
When you feel stressed at work it is not the work that is making you feel stressed. It is simply that in that moment there is stressful thinking being paid attention to that is creating the experience of stress. Without the thinking, is there stress or are there simply some sensations in the body being interpreted, through thought (that constant ‘inner narrator’)?
As humans it seems to me that we are the experiencing entities for the formless intelligence of life that animates us. By that I mean we are physical forms designed to feel.
It’s OK to feel what you’re feeling
Think about it…
When have you ever not coped with feeling something?
You are here reading this and I can guarantee that you have felt every emotion possible and survived it!
Nothing ever stays the same. Everything is in constant motion, including thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations.
The only thing that slows that motion down is when attention is focussed on something and then, we have the experience of that thing sticking around.
So when attempting to change thinking, or ignore an emotion all that’s actually happening is that attention is being placed on the very thing we want less of!
Instead, how would it be to simply experience all feelings and emotions?
How would it be to explore the possibility that things ‘out there in the world’ are never responsible for how you feel; that how you feel is always a reflection of what is being paid attention to?
In my experience, this is freedom.
If you want to explore this further, my book The Truth Beyond Thought; Experiments To Rediscover Peace & Freedom is a great introduction.
And if you have any questions or would like more support to understand this please don’t hesitate to reach out to me via my contact page.
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